I always had a feeling I would get pregnant at the wedding. I thought I would be an older bride who had been focused on her career for so long that I had to juggle marriage and having children at the same time. The order of things didn’t matter to me or my family – and, honestly, I just wanted an excuse not to drink at the reception. I didn’t want to start married life with a physical or mental hangover.
So when I found out I was engaged and about to begin a round of IVF at 46, I didn’t panic. I already know what I’ll be wearing on my big day.
I’ve been dreaming about the finale dress from the Gucci Spring 2002 show for decades. I love the model’s beachy hair as well as the casual but understated vibe. I put Vintage Retrievers Lynn Yaeger and Gabe Waller on the box, but I knew the chances of finding it, let alone in my size, were slim.
Luckily, I have a hero shop in the Bay Area, so I have better access to designer looks than most people. When I went to Paris to shop for the Spring 2024 collection, I found The Row’s Madeline dress, a draped sweetheart made of the prettiest cotton gauze that ties easily around the chest. It has the same strapless column silhouette as my Gucci fantasy, and I love that it was inspired by the idea of wrapping yourself in a towel after spending a day at the beach or in the world’s most expensive hammam. Plus, it’s great for uneven spaces, or whatever I have on hand when I’m at the altar. I placed my order without hesitation and the size I ordered will arrive within a few weeks of my wedding date in June.
However, putting all my eggs in The Row basket feels risky. So when we had our Attersee luggage show at the Hero Shop, I tried the Cecily jacket and cream tailored trousers. (I always see myself getting married wearing a suit. I was single for 25 years; I have time to think about these things.) The neckline highlighted my shoulders and neck, and the wide legs felt modern. I feel very sophisticated, and I feel very comfortable and unconventional. I’m already looking forward to wearing them together or alone in the years to come – the jacket with jeans at dinner parties, the pants with an ivory cashmere sweater at events. I loved it even more when I saw that Barbara Guggenheim chose a similar look for her wedding, looking beautiful, smart, and tasteful.
In April, I found out that IVF was successful and when I walked down the aisle, I was 13 weeks pregnant. Well, I thought to myself, I won’t be showing so much then. My waist might be a little smaller and my bust a little bigger, but no big deal. I try on Attersee looks every week to check the fit. By mid-May, I could still button my pants and my jacket had to come off my chest, but only a little bit. By Memorial Day, however, the shape of my body and the suit I wore started to change. From the front, it still works and looks long and lean, but from the side (which the photographer captured at the altar, our first kiss, our first dance) I’m curvy like a stick of butter. My waist bulges to match my bustline, but there’s no noticeable bulge. And the weather is getting warmer. Long-sleeved suits in 90-degree virgin wool and silk are starting to feel unreal. I was a little nervous.
I scoured Net-a-Porter and Matches for white dresses, but nothing appealed to me. From the Hero Shop, I bought Khaite’s Sicilian dress, a semi-shapeless cotton poplin spaghetti-strap suit perfect for a rehearsal dinner, and High Sport’s checked Petra skirt, with a full elastic waist, perfect for an Italian-themed courtesy dinner. This feels like progress.
Luckily, the Row dress arrived just in time. The corset is exactly as advertised – drapey, comfortable, and allows whatever is going on underneath to continue. The bust had to be removed but my seamstress was able to do it quickly and seamlessly. I started lifting hand weights to work on my triceps.
On my wedding day, I felt completely relaxed — like I just came back from an expensive spa. This dress allowed me to move and dance without worrying about anything below my neck. It didn’t ask me to force myself to be any other shape than I was: pregnant, happy.
